Did he yeet that cat?
(via pagingme)
How hard was it to say “pistachio”
you: pistachio
me, an intellectual: That Green Nüt ™
(via spongebobssquarepants)
hot take: jake peralta is bi and john mulaney plays his ex boyfriend from high school in season six of brooklyn nine-nine
john mulaney plays a rockin’ twink
John Mulaney: *to himself* What would Leonard Bernstein do?
Captain Holt: *to Jake, quietly* I support your and Amy’s relationship with my whole heart but why on earth would you give up a man like that
If you had five billion you could hop from job to job, calling entitled customers idiots all across your city, putting the fear of You into every shithead in town until people become afraid to be rude to servers and cashiers, lest you emerge from the back room like some kind of manners-enforcing specter
(via neatpotatoes)
Do I date tall people???? Just so they can always see me from my best angle?????? Or is that just a bonus for them?????
idk. how tall are you? cause that’ll tell you why you date tall people
I’m 5'2
you date tall people cause everyone is taller than you
(via confirmance)
today my prof said to my class “you don’t truly love someone until they’ve hurt you and you still think of them as the greatest person in the world. Love is the most violent act.” ok ok ok
Looked it up and anon’s right
It’s defined as a drink other than water.
what the fuck
that’s the worst kind of definition
then wtf is water?
(via joshpeck)
THE SNACK MACHINE
!!!?!A weapon to surpass metal gear
I could have sworn the UPS one was the costume until I looked down
Why aren’t we asking… why?
(via spongebobssquarepants)
(via yourlocalmemehoe)
please just watch this
“It’s one second.” I said
“It can’t possible be that great.”
I was wrong.NYEM
I turned the sound on and laughed so hard it hurt
(via spongebobssquarepants)
(via thats-fergalicious)
A shapeshifter who can only turn into things they eat
*turns into a puddle of cum*
Hey why are you like this
(via thats-fergalicious)
ok tier: villain listening to classical music as they fuck shit up
good tier: villain listening to 80s music as they fuck shit up
god tier: villain listening to “toxic” by britney spears as they fuck shit up
legendary tier: villain listening to “Africa” by Toto as they fuck shit up
this is the only good addition to this post
(via kingdomhearts615)
